A lesson worth learning.

Hey Y'all,

I hate 'alternative' music these days. But kids today, like the sheep they are, follow the herd, and listen to some abysmal shit. In my honest opinion, the quality of this music is at about the same standard as pop, dance and rap music. In other words, it's worse than rubbing your genitalia with a cheese grater.

Here's Exhibit A: Panic! At The Disco

Do the words 'Boy Band' ring a bell? They all have their hair emo-parted to the same fucking side!

That hideous video for the horribly titled 'I Write Sins Not Tragedies' takes me back to the glory days of 5ive, Backstreet Boys and New Kids on The Block, with the only difference being instruments. Also, what's with the long and stupid song titles? JUST GET TO THE FUCKING POINT!

If this band had a label, I'd call them 'pop-punk for preschoolers'.

Exhibit B: The Veronicas

Come on, as if these two are 'rock'! This is a perfect example of the media's bastardization of rock music.

Their first single, 4Ever blatantly rips off the verses from 'Since U Been Gone', by another popstar/wannabe rocker Kelly Clarkson. Two listens and you'll see what I mean. This kinda shit resembles Bananarama (download Venus, and you'll get it). I'm all for Girl Power, but there's nothing powerful about this trite, unoriginal waste of air time. Quite frankly, I'd rather listen to elderly people eating...

There is no soul in this ugly beast, and it seems like a bit of bandwagoning is taking place right here... Simplicity at it's worst.

If I had to label the Veronicas, I'd call them 'pop-rock for the handicapped'.

Exhibit C: My Chemical Romance
Alright, shoot me. Another boy band posing as a rock band....

Hey kids, here's a tip: if you want to look like the ultimate tool, this is the direction you should take!

Obviously these guys dress each other and moonlight as makeup artists, and the singer looks like an ugly version of Bjork. Their image is highly derivative of the 1980's Goth, with a little of the black metal 'vampire' thing going on. However, they have a little more of an 'edge' to their music, but this isn't nearly edgy enough to claim to be 'punk', 'emo' or 'a rocker'.

If I were to label My Chemical Romance, I'd call them 'rock for kids who don't like rock'.

I think all bands like these should have labels like those on children's toys (eg Ages 3 and up). This would clear some confusion for clueless kids, as well as save them from repeated pummellings by kids from school. That's a nice thought.

If you are to take anything away from this free lesson in life (and music), please think carefully about how you label yourself and the bands you listen to. If you went to any real shows, you'd stand out like a sore thumb, and be open to some harsh treatment. This would not earn you any 'scene points' in a hurry.

Be an individual, don't be something (or someone) if you have no knowledge of how to be it with authenticity.

Until next time,

- Fridge.

Can we have an FGP-free society?

Hey Y'all,

This is just a short rant about the FGP phenomenon.

What is an FGP? An FGP is a 'Fat Girl with Personality'.

They are EVERYWHERE. They are in pubs, on public transport, at sporting events. EVERYWHERE.

Courtesy of Google Images, here's a damn fine example of what an FGP looks like....

I'm not a fat-hater, because I'm on the large side myself, but why do they insist on making fools of themselves in public? They're always the people you can hear from the other side of a crowded room, saying stupid shit like 'I've had 4 Vodka Cruisers!' or 'This really hot guy just looked at me!'

They are always the people talking loudly on mobile phones on buses or trains, yapping (in detail) about that day's events, their plans for the weekend, and Tupac Shakur. I even saw an FGP on the bus a year or two ago who named her ugly, fat kid Dre! That is the ultimate act of an FGP: Unspeakable attention-seeking acts, designed to make everyone (bar their 'cliques') cringe at the sight of them.

I have a proposal for those who are sick and tired of the FGP Fraternity: A gold-coin (if you're in Australia, otherwise a dollar, pound or yen would suffice) donation into your personal piggy bank at every sighting of an FGP-related incident. That's right people: you'd be making yourself very fucking rich via the idiocy of stupid fatty loudmouths.

Leave a comment if you agree or disagree with this proposal.

Until next time, stay cool!

- Fridge.

Enough is enough... EMO sucks!!!

Hey Y'all,

Everything about emo sucks. There, I said it.

What is it about the 'Emo' lifestyle that draws the pubescent and the pubescent-at-heart to become clones of each other, not unlike second-rate Goth posers?

For those who live under a rock, or in Tasmania or Newfoundland (which is basically the same thing), Emo is an abbreviation for:
- Emotionally charged music, and
- the subculture which conforms to certain conventions in dress such as tight sweatshirts, tight band T-shirts and horn-rim glasses.

The latter is of concern, because unlike the music, you cannot ignore the subculture. Emo is fucking everywhere!

The Emo male is typically effeminate. Here's an example of an Emo Boy, which can be found at Wikipedia;



What is it with the whole 'Nobody understands me, I'll cut myself so I can bleed tears' schtick? So people actually find this attractive in a partner? When I was a teenager, being miserable wasn't fashionable, it was a pain in the fucking arse! Now every kid who has two parents living at home in a nice suburb, who goes to a nice school has a fucking right to be depressed? Sounds like the act of spoiled fucking brats!

Thanks to Google Images for that picture. We can only dream...

What is it with guys wearing make up? That song (I don't know what the song is called) says 'Emo is one step below transvestite'. It's hard to argue with that logic...



In summary, being emo is really pathetic. I know I'm going to offend a lot of people with this article, but they can go fuck themselves. Cry me a river, dickface... And slit your wrists the right way this time!

- Fridge.