Famous + Rich + Spoilt Princess + Slut = Paris Hilton!

Paris Hilton is the 'face' of the decay of our youth. Teenage girls want to be her, and teenage boys (and probably 90% of the male population) would kill to be with her.

She is famous for being famous. Until two or three years ago, she basically lived off her parents' fortune, but now dabbles in Z-Grade movies and TV shows.

My main peeve is that people think it's okay to get through life being stupid, opening your legs (and other body parts)for a camera, and being a 'pretty face'. Are girls today aware of the importance of substance?

If this is an indication of the teenage female psyche, it would spell chaos for life as we know it. Teenage boys (I know I'm making a generalization here, but I speak about the majority)seem to be after a pretty face and body, while personality and morals are a minor detail. But once the 'thrill' of getting cheap fun has worn out, the search of a decent woman becomes a tougher battle than necessary.

In my experience, all the decent girls I knew when I was a kid were all nothing more to me than friends. Looking back, some of these girls would have been ideal as partners. But I only pursued relationships with those who I considered to be 'up for it'. It was only when I reached adulthood that I saw the error of my ways, because I still find it difficult to interact with women.

I have strayed my from my point. My message is simple; Kids: Don't imitate or emulate people like Paris Hilton.

She may be rich, but she sure as hell has no class or substance.

- Fridge.

Nguyen Tuong Van: My Thoughts.

Hey y'all,

I'm so bloody sick of hearing about Nguyen Tuong Van.

For you geographically-challenged folk, he is due to be hanged on Friday, the 2nd of December for attempting to smuggle 400 grams of heroin from Cambodia to Australia.

This batch,the equivalent of 36, 000 hits, was found on Nguyen at Changi Airport in December 2002. Nguyen was running drugs to repay a debt owed by his twin brother.

All over the news, people are protesting this, while ridiculing Singaporean law. These are probably the same people that take regular holidays to that particular region.

I feel sympathy for Nguyen's mother, as nobody likes to lose a close relative, but I am appalled at Khoa, Nguyen's twin brother. If I was badly in debt, I wouldn't ask my brother to run drugs, nor would I let him if he offered. There are smarter ways to repay debts.

People need to be aware of, and respect, another country's laws. Personally, I don't agree with capital punishment, but that's not the issue here.

The issue is that as Australians, we have our own lifestyle, customs, laws and traditions. But guess what?

So do the Singaporeans!

It's unfair to criticize them from afar, and basically belittle their way of life. Personally, I think most South-East Asians have their shit together in regards to drug laws and their consequences.

So, if Nguyen Tuong Van was caught with 400 grams of heroin in Singapore, I believe his sentence should be carried out in accordance with Singaporean law.

John Howard, the Prime Minister of Australia, has done everything in his power to change the mind of his Singaporean counterpart, with no luck. Howard is good for fuck-all, but at least he tried on this issue.

Now it's time to let it go. Nguyen Tuong Van is getting what he deserves. If he had been caught in Australia, he would have been given a long-term sentence. To me, that would have been a greater punishment.

And yes, I believe John Howard should attend the Prime Minister's XI game on Friday. It's an annual event in honour of the PM at the time, where Howard personally picks the players, and I think it's rude if the guest of honour isn't there.

Maybe those players can give him some advice in picking up his sub-mediocre game.

But seriously, Nguyen Tuong Van is getting what he deserves. Live with it.

- Fridge.

Prime Minister of Australia, John Howard: Cricket Tragic, or Tragic Cricketer???

Most sports-mad, true-blue, dinky-di Aussies know that lil' Johnny loves cricket.

What other politician has ever entered the sacred Channel 9 commentary box?

You'd think that with such a huge interest in a sport that he'd at least be able to bowl on the pitch, or play a simple forward defensive stroke. This dickhead can't do either!



While in Pakistan (another cricket-mad nation), lil' Johnny was shown a cricket pitch, and decided to disgrace our nation with his beyond pathetic display. He bowled a succession of wides, most of which took 3 or more bounces before going to the wicketkeeper.

His batting technique was severely flawed, and I'm surprised that he didn't get bowled.

Thanks, lil' Johnny. It's not enough that you fuck the country over with your Pro-War stance and your mission to screw Australian workers, but now you have tainted the image of Australian cricket.

You're a fucking disgrace!

- Fridge.

Cricket...it's getting better.

Hey y'all,

It's been awhile, but University is a load of wank at the best of times.

In regards to my cricketing aspirations, I have been making steady progress with the ball. However, I still can't bat.

I still keep getting out in the same way, and although I have been trying to rectify this calamity, nothing has worked.

But let's look at the bowling side of it:

Round 3 v SPOC - 5 overs, 1 maiden, 1 for 29.
A wicket 2nd ball, caught at mid-off. I bowled some good balls, but also bowled too many full and short balls. I also lacked variety in my deliveries.

Round 4 v Unley - 1st Innings: 4 overs, 1 maiden, 1 for 6.
Another wicket, caught at mid-off. Variation was better, and there were rarely any loose deliveries.

2nd Innings: 5 overs, 1 maiden, 2 for 14.
1st wicket, caught behind, although the batsman may not have hit it.
2nd wicket, LBW off a full toss arm ball.
My first 4 overs were good, as I had the batsmen playing and missing occasionally. My last over went for 8 runs, and coincided with me bowling around the wicket. In my last over, I bowled too short and too full and was hit for boundaries through square leg and mid-wicket.

Season bowling stats: 14 overs, 3 maidens, 4 for 49.
Average: 12.25
Runs Per Over: 3.5
Strike Rate: 21

Compared with my 9 wickets at an average of 33.89 last year, I believe I have matured and improved as a bowler. But the work is not yet done. I need to regularly bowl well, be able to bowl longer spells, and take more wickets.

But I have to start from somewhere.

- Fridge.

Useless Shit!!!!

I took one of those stupid internet personality quizzes..........here are the results:

I am,
Paranoid: Very High
Schizoid: High
Schizotypal: Moderate
Antisocial: High
Borderline: Very High
Histrionic: Moderate
Narcissistic: High
Avoidant: Low
Dependent: Low
Obsessive-Compulsive: High

Seeya, y'all,

- Fridge.

An international scoop!!

He has to be among one of the world's best-kept secrets. He is a demigod, a Herculean-like figure of his profession. He is one of only two men who has Adelaide's northern suburbs as his playground.

So, who am I talking about?

Let me introduce to you Master V.



Master V (otherwise known as Velvet Jones) is a high-class pimp. Master V and his long-time associate, Slick Willy, are the owners/kingpins of Pimps R Us Enterprises, a locally-based pimping syndicate. For more information, check out http://www.geocities.com/slickvelvet2005/

Fridge: How did you get into pimping?

Master V: Well, it was back in my early high school days, when I met Slick (Willy). We then both discussed a business venture, and things went from there. We now own and run a large metropolitan-based business, with the view of growing nationally.



Fridge: How many people are employed by Pimps R Us Enterprises?

Master V: At this point in time, there are 17 people on the payroll, including three assistant pimps.....and three animals. But we are still recruiting up-and-coming pimps and hoes. Our business offers flexible hours, full health cover including dental, and rewarding work in a safe environment. Resumes needed.

Fridge: Who (or what) are your influences and inspirations?

Master V: Well, that's a hard one. My inspiration would obviously be me. My main influence......would once again be me.

Fridge: What qualities or attributes does one need in order to become a successful pimp or hoe?

Master V: Well, I believe that you are born with a God-given talent. You have to be willing to make sacrifices such as early morning starts (before school) and late nights (after Erotic Tales on SBS).

Fridge: What are the best and worst things about being a pimp?

Master V: Early morning starts, late nights and having so many fine ass hoes wanting a piece of our (Myself and Slick) ass would have to be the worst things. The best things about being a pimp would be summarized in 3 words; Hoes, money, respect.

Fridge: Do you have any advice for up-and-coming pimps or hoes?

Master V: For pimps, don't be afraid to hit a hoe. Pimping comes from within. And make sure you always carry a chapstick.
For the hoes, respect your pimp, and if you're left with less than 13% of your daily takings, seriously consider retirement.



Fridge: Is pimping still relevant in an overtly politically-correct society?

Master V: Geez, that's a tough one. To put it simply, Pimps R Us provide a service. People approach us on the street and they ask us for work! We cater for the unemployed, the disadvantaged, and the downright horny.
As long as there there are men with the name 'Pimps R Us' on their lips, they better not forget to give our hoes tips!

Fridge: Well, Master V, it's been a pleasure to interview you.

Master V: It should be!

And as he walked out the door, he looked over his shoulder and said, 'P.A.E (Pimping Ain't Easy)'.

Diss now, jock later.

- Fridge.

Pre-season blues.............

Hey y'all,

A couple of weeks ago, I started pre-season cricket training. During the first session, one is able to perform poorly without fear of ridicule. It's called 'Dusting off the cobwebs'.

However, in 2 such sessions, the cobwebs remain. Do I give up, or keep going?

I am merely the shadow of a once mediocre bowler..........enough said.

So I volunteered to bat for the first time, as I usually have to be coerced into such an activity.

No such luck there..........as witnessed here.



I can neither bowl nor bat.........I'm having a form crisis!!!!

What does one do when out of sorts, and looking to regain past form?

- Fridge.

Memories of high school days....

Nearly everyone has wonderful, pleasurable experiences from high school.

Not me.

I was looking through my old yearbooks the other day, when I realized that I have not maintained friendships with people from school. Usually school is where you make lifelong friends and determine your direction in life, and also your status in the social food chain. For example, if you were a nerd in school, chances are you’ll remain a nerd in the real world. That is unless you are among the self-loathing types that construct a reinvention of themselves, in order to fit within the confines of mainstream society.

I like to think that I haven’t reinvented myself, but evolved into the person I was destined to become.

In terms of direction in life, and status in the social pecking order, I learnt NOTHING from the school I attended. I don’t mean to degrade organized religion, but religion was forced down my throat. If I didn’t believe in that religion, I was made to feel guilty.

I never had that problem in primary school, which was also religion-based. We were treated as individuals, not only in the classroom, but as people. Needless to say, until High School, I was open minded in regards to religion.

I learnt direction by having none to begin with. I had never finished high school, was unable to work, and quite miserable. That is, until life gave me the kick up the arse I so desperately needed.

I can’t say that I wanted to be a teacher since I was a child, because when I was a child, I wanted to be either a journalist, or stoned. Possibly both. But in the end, I write for fun, and doing it as a career would be a chore.

Teaching came to me out of the blue. I don’t know why, but some members of my family thought I would be good at it, which planted a seed in my mind. So I went back to finish school, and failed.

My only hope was to aim for mature-age entry into university. Luckily, I did well enough on the test to be offered a place.

I hate it when people remind me of my school days. The other day, my sister told me that two people in the same year as me were getting married. I was polite, and acted interested, but I couldn’t really give a fuck. I don’t want to know what so-and-so is doing, and whether whats-her-name is pregnant. I really don’t care.

Those people have been married, had kids, and made lives for themselves. But it’s their life, and I don’t want any part of it. It’s not like they would have any part of mine, had they been given a choice.

As far as I’m concerned, everyone I went to high school with is dead.

These people had no effect on me at all. They didn’t play any part in who I became. I feel nothing for them. Sure, I don’t wish anyone harm, but I don’t wish them happiness either.

Here’s a warning to anyone I went to school with:

If you see me and say hello, I might say hello back, but don’t EVER expect me to be your friend. My friendship is not on offer.

I don’t need any more friends anyway. I have a few close friends, and that’s the way I want to keep it.

- Fridge.

Nelly: An ambassador for grammar and spelling in schools?

It has come to my attention that Nelly (or whoever writes his ‘songs’) cannot spell.

Some examples:

‘N Dey Sey’

‘Hot In Herre’

‘Ride Wit Me’

And the list goes on. Why do rappers (this includes R & B and hip-hop; it’s all the same anyways) feel the need to spell incorrectly? I mean, this dickhead wears a Band-Aid on his cheek!

Didn’t he release an album called ‘Country Grammar’?

I wish I could become a big rap star, and get away with spelling words incorrectly. In the world of hard rock/metal, you don’t get away with it. When they first became famous, both Korn and Limp Bizkit copped a lot of shit for the way their names were spelt. That’s right, Puddle of Mudd copped it too, but they still cop it because they lick balls.

I write my lyrics on Microsoft Word, after I’ve handwritten them. I recommend that Nelly does the same. He just might see what a tool he is, once he works out how to use the computer.

I have written a Nelly-style rap song; maybe he would like to use it?

I have also included the grammatically correct version.

In The Hizzy

Bitches in da club holla at me,
What up doc? Dey like what dey see.
Want a piece of dis? U know wat u gotta do,
Get on da floor with Big Daddy Schmoove.

Is it me, or iz it hot in herre?
All da playas come get a piece of da action right herre.
Maybe I’m bored wit my peeps and hoes,
But I’m a playa fo’ life, dat’s how it goes.

Fo’ shizzle my bizzle in the hizzy!
Fo’ shizzle my bizzle in the hizzy!
Fo’ shizzle my bizzle in the hizzy!
I gots to get tight wit my bizzles in the hizzy!

Bitches in da club be lookin’ at me,
Somethin’ in dey eyez seys dey likes what dey see.
But I iz a playa, thru and thru,
Want a piece of dis? U know wat u gotta do.

Fo’ shizzle my bizzle in the hizzy!
Fo’ shizzle my bizzle in the hizzy!
Fo’ shizzle my bizzle in the hizzy!
I gots to get tight wit my bizzles in the hizzy!

U know I luv it when u shake dat ass!

Diddy P (in the hizzy!)
Mack Pimp (in the hizzy!)
Fresh G (in the hizzy!)
Detroit (in the hizzy!)
L.A (in the hizzy!)
Compton (in the hizzy!)
N.Y.C (in the hizzy!)
Orlando (in the hizzy!)

I gots to get tight wit my bizzles in the hizzy!

In The General Vicinity

Women in the club appear to be seeking my attention,
I sense that they view me as appealing to the eye.
If you would like to win my heart, we must court first,
May I suggest a dance?

I must say, the room temperature is a tad oppressive in here.
My friends, may I suggest inviting your partners for a dance?
Maybe I’m weary of my associates,
But we have quite a close-knit social circle.

I am in agreement with the ladies in the general vicinity!
I am in agreement with the ladies in the general vicinity!
I am in agreement with the ladies in the general vicinity!
I would like to get acquainted with the ladies in the general vicinity!

Women in the club appear to be looking at me,
I sense that their facial expressions indicate a degree of curiousity.
But I am a bachelor, and maybe it’s time to find the right lady.
If you would like to win my heart, we must court first.

I am in agreement with the ladies in the general area!
I am in agreement with the ladies in the general area!
I am in agreement with the ladies in the general area!
I would like to get acquainted with the ladies in the general area!

My word, you are quite an accomplished dancer!

Interlude: (include names of associates, destinations you have visited, and destinations you would like visit)

I would like to get acquainted with the ladies in the general vicinity!

- Fridge.

Beautiful!

Doesn't this place look beautiful?

In case you were wondering, this is Halls Gap, Victoria. Man, I wouldn't mind looking at this scenery everyday.............

- Fridge.

Pimps and players, fo' shizzle.

Hey again,

I been hittin' the shiznit (fuck, I sound pathetic!) and I gots me a pimp name. Say hello to:

Reverend F. Dogg.

Dig?

- Fridge

A change of tempo................

Hey y'all,

Just a quick word before I depart for a journey (albeit a short one) to a magical land about 10 hours away called Melbourne.

I am taking a well-earned break from my studies (some people think Uni is a bludge, but what would they know...............unless they have been there) to recharge the batteries for the second semester. So far, so good?

Well, I haven't thrown in the towel like Johnny Lewis!

I plan to see a few sights, like Federation Square, the Queen Victoria markets, Crown Casino, and God knows what else. I am also meeting up with a dear friend of mine, someone who I have never met before.

Well, I guess I should write a journal of my trip or something...................if I can be stuffed doing it.

See you round like a fuckin' rissole,

- Fridge.

The Path.

I finally have some direction!!!!!

Yesterday, I concluded my Practicum at a local primary school. For those not familiar with my terminology, it basically means 'work experience'.

I was placed into a Year 2 classroom, which is full of 7 year olds. At first, I thought I wouldn't enjoy it, but now that I am done, I couldn't imagine being in another classroom.

I learned a lot about teaching, and I had a lot of fun at the same time. Another bonus was that the kids were absolutely adorable!!!!!

Saying goodbye was the hardest part of the job. I had their respect, and we had quite a relationship. I hope that I have helped them along the path of learning as much as they have helped me. So, I guess it's safe to say that I was emotional at home time.......

I now know that I have what it takes to be a teacher, and a really fucking good one at that.

Peace be with you,

- Fridge.

Art Fags....................

G'day y'all!

It's been a while since I have written anything, as I have been so busy with my Uni studies. For anyone that doesn't know, I'm studying a Bachelor of Education (Primary and Middle). But, let's get back onto the topic, so here goes:

ART FAGS - well, just the actors anyways. The 'fags' reference does not imply that they are homosexuals. I do not look down on homosexuals, and do not tolerate others doing so.

By saying 'Art', I exclude music. And poetry is cool, when it's not that soppy, 'I Love You Forever And Always' shit.

Art fags are a bunch of pretentious twats. The way they act all dramatic, thinking they are the shit because their latest production is getting rave reviews in the local rag. So fucking what?? These people deserve to die, and die soon.

I believe that plays and musicals are designed for the sole purpose of entertaining the rich, who don't want to engage in 'common' acts such as going to the movies. And the people who run the productions are aware of this, and that's why they charge sky-high prices to attend these quasi-improv 'movies'.

In a way, they are similar to jazz musicians. Jazz musicians dick around on their instruments for an hour or more, and the upper-class think this shit is worthy of an ARIA nomination!

Also, there's a Bob Dylan wannabe busking in the city. He looks, acts and dresses like a fucking hobo. He even has a harmonica. God, I'd love to take his long coat, piss on it, and then smash his guitar, his harmonica and his face.

I fucking hate you.

- Fridge.

Here's a couple of kick-ass sites.............

http://www.geocities.com/slickvelvet2005/ - This is a site dedicated to Slick Willy and Velvet Jones. To give anything else away would be a crime..............

www.mrv800.blogspot.com - This is a site set up by a genuine cricket fan that I know. However, this site is still in its embryonic stages, but it's still definitely worth a look.

- Fridge.

Bands and singers that truly suck...........

Coldplay, Jet, The Distillers, Spazzy's, Eskimo Joe, Maroon 5, Train, Bowling For Soup, Evermore, John Butler Trio, Spiderbait, Pink, Missy Higgins, Christina Aguilera, Britney Spears, Missy Elliott, Lil Kim, Snoop Dogg, Eminem, Scribe, Simple Plan (why didn't I think of them sooner?), Good Charlotte, Napalm Death, Cannibal Corpse, R. Kelly, Spice Girls, All Saints, The Rasmus, Ice Cocoon, Cold Chisel, John Farnham, Nikki Webster, The Doors, The Dissociatives, Casey Donovan (just goes to show the Australian public knows FUCK ALL about searching for vocal talent. Australian Idol? Pig's fucking arse she is. Sounds more like Obese Idol to me.), Joel Turner and The Modern Day Poets (or Modern Day Wiggas), The Killers, The White Stripes, The Hives, The Vines (although they have a couple of decent songs, even though they wish they were Nirvana and The Beatles), The Strokes, The Hot Lies, The Yeah Yeah Yeah's, Scissor Sisters, Five For Fighting, Jessica Simpson (and the douche she married), Ashlee Simpson, Usher, Nelly, Backstreet Boys, N'Sync, Black Rebel Motorcycle Club, New Found Glory............................

Fuck, there's a whole lot more people that I hate, but I want to save my hateful energy for another day...............feel free to comment on some bands that YOU hate.

- Fridge.