Memories of high school days....

Nearly everyone has wonderful, pleasurable experiences from high school.

Not me.

I was looking through my old yearbooks the other day, when I realized that I have not maintained friendships with people from school. Usually school is where you make lifelong friends and determine your direction in life, and also your status in the social food chain. For example, if you were a nerd in school, chances are you’ll remain a nerd in the real world. That is unless you are among the self-loathing types that construct a reinvention of themselves, in order to fit within the confines of mainstream society.

I like to think that I haven’t reinvented myself, but evolved into the person I was destined to become.

In terms of direction in life, and status in the social pecking order, I learnt NOTHING from the school I attended. I don’t mean to degrade organized religion, but religion was forced down my throat. If I didn’t believe in that religion, I was made to feel guilty.

I never had that problem in primary school, which was also religion-based. We were treated as individuals, not only in the classroom, but as people. Needless to say, until High School, I was open minded in regards to religion.

I learnt direction by having none to begin with. I had never finished high school, was unable to work, and quite miserable. That is, until life gave me the kick up the arse I so desperately needed.

I can’t say that I wanted to be a teacher since I was a child, because when I was a child, I wanted to be either a journalist, or stoned. Possibly both. But in the end, I write for fun, and doing it as a career would be a chore.

Teaching came to me out of the blue. I don’t know why, but some members of my family thought I would be good at it, which planted a seed in my mind. So I went back to finish school, and failed.

My only hope was to aim for mature-age entry into university. Luckily, I did well enough on the test to be offered a place.

I hate it when people remind me of my school days. The other day, my sister told me that two people in the same year as me were getting married. I was polite, and acted interested, but I couldn’t really give a fuck. I don’t want to know what so-and-so is doing, and whether whats-her-name is pregnant. I really don’t care.

Those people have been married, had kids, and made lives for themselves. But it’s their life, and I don’t want any part of it. It’s not like they would have any part of mine, had they been given a choice.

As far as I’m concerned, everyone I went to high school with is dead.

These people had no effect on me at all. They didn’t play any part in who I became. I feel nothing for them. Sure, I don’t wish anyone harm, but I don’t wish them happiness either.

Here’s a warning to anyone I went to school with:

If you see me and say hello, I might say hello back, but don’t EVER expect me to be your friend. My friendship is not on offer.

I don’t need any more friends anyway. I have a few close friends, and that’s the way I want to keep it.

- Fridge.

Nelly: An ambassador for grammar and spelling in schools?

It has come to my attention that Nelly (or whoever writes his ‘songs’) cannot spell.

Some examples:

‘N Dey Sey’

‘Hot In Herre’

‘Ride Wit Me’

And the list goes on. Why do rappers (this includes R & B and hip-hop; it’s all the same anyways) feel the need to spell incorrectly? I mean, this dickhead wears a Band-Aid on his cheek!

Didn’t he release an album called ‘Country Grammar’?

I wish I could become a big rap star, and get away with spelling words incorrectly. In the world of hard rock/metal, you don’t get away with it. When they first became famous, both Korn and Limp Bizkit copped a lot of shit for the way their names were spelt. That’s right, Puddle of Mudd copped it too, but they still cop it because they lick balls.

I write my lyrics on Microsoft Word, after I’ve handwritten them. I recommend that Nelly does the same. He just might see what a tool he is, once he works out how to use the computer.

I have written a Nelly-style rap song; maybe he would like to use it?

I have also included the grammatically correct version.

In The Hizzy

Bitches in da club holla at me,
What up doc? Dey like what dey see.
Want a piece of dis? U know wat u gotta do,
Get on da floor with Big Daddy Schmoove.

Is it me, or iz it hot in herre?
All da playas come get a piece of da action right herre.
Maybe I’m bored wit my peeps and hoes,
But I’m a playa fo’ life, dat’s how it goes.

Fo’ shizzle my bizzle in the hizzy!
Fo’ shizzle my bizzle in the hizzy!
Fo’ shizzle my bizzle in the hizzy!
I gots to get tight wit my bizzles in the hizzy!

Bitches in da club be lookin’ at me,
Somethin’ in dey eyez seys dey likes what dey see.
But I iz a playa, thru and thru,
Want a piece of dis? U know wat u gotta do.

Fo’ shizzle my bizzle in the hizzy!
Fo’ shizzle my bizzle in the hizzy!
Fo’ shizzle my bizzle in the hizzy!
I gots to get tight wit my bizzles in the hizzy!

U know I luv it when u shake dat ass!

Diddy P (in the hizzy!)
Mack Pimp (in the hizzy!)
Fresh G (in the hizzy!)
Detroit (in the hizzy!)
L.A (in the hizzy!)
Compton (in the hizzy!)
N.Y.C (in the hizzy!)
Orlando (in the hizzy!)

I gots to get tight wit my bizzles in the hizzy!

In The General Vicinity

Women in the club appear to be seeking my attention,
I sense that they view me as appealing to the eye.
If you would like to win my heart, we must court first,
May I suggest a dance?

I must say, the room temperature is a tad oppressive in here.
My friends, may I suggest inviting your partners for a dance?
Maybe I’m weary of my associates,
But we have quite a close-knit social circle.

I am in agreement with the ladies in the general vicinity!
I am in agreement with the ladies in the general vicinity!
I am in agreement with the ladies in the general vicinity!
I would like to get acquainted with the ladies in the general vicinity!

Women in the club appear to be looking at me,
I sense that their facial expressions indicate a degree of curiousity.
But I am a bachelor, and maybe it’s time to find the right lady.
If you would like to win my heart, we must court first.

I am in agreement with the ladies in the general area!
I am in agreement with the ladies in the general area!
I am in agreement with the ladies in the general area!
I would like to get acquainted with the ladies in the general area!

My word, you are quite an accomplished dancer!

Interlude: (include names of associates, destinations you have visited, and destinations you would like visit)

I would like to get acquainted with the ladies in the general vicinity!

- Fridge.

Beautiful!

Doesn't this place look beautiful?

In case you were wondering, this is Halls Gap, Victoria. Man, I wouldn't mind looking at this scenery everyday.............

- Fridge.

Pimps and players, fo' shizzle.

Hey again,

I been hittin' the shiznit (fuck, I sound pathetic!) and I gots me a pimp name. Say hello to:

Reverend F. Dogg.

Dig?

- Fridge

A change of tempo................

Hey y'all,

Just a quick word before I depart for a journey (albeit a short one) to a magical land about 10 hours away called Melbourne.

I am taking a well-earned break from my studies (some people think Uni is a bludge, but what would they know...............unless they have been there) to recharge the batteries for the second semester. So far, so good?

Well, I haven't thrown in the towel like Johnny Lewis!

I plan to see a few sights, like Federation Square, the Queen Victoria markets, Crown Casino, and God knows what else. I am also meeting up with a dear friend of mine, someone who I have never met before.

Well, I guess I should write a journal of my trip or something...................if I can be stuffed doing it.

See you round like a fuckin' rissole,

- Fridge.

The Path.

I finally have some direction!!!!!

Yesterday, I concluded my Practicum at a local primary school. For those not familiar with my terminology, it basically means 'work experience'.

I was placed into a Year 2 classroom, which is full of 7 year olds. At first, I thought I wouldn't enjoy it, but now that I am done, I couldn't imagine being in another classroom.

I learned a lot about teaching, and I had a lot of fun at the same time. Another bonus was that the kids were absolutely adorable!!!!!

Saying goodbye was the hardest part of the job. I had their respect, and we had quite a relationship. I hope that I have helped them along the path of learning as much as they have helped me. So, I guess it's safe to say that I was emotional at home time.......

I now know that I have what it takes to be a teacher, and a really fucking good one at that.

Peace be with you,

- Fridge.

Art Fags....................

G'day y'all!

It's been a while since I have written anything, as I have been so busy with my Uni studies. For anyone that doesn't know, I'm studying a Bachelor of Education (Primary and Middle). But, let's get back onto the topic, so here goes:

ART FAGS - well, just the actors anyways. The 'fags' reference does not imply that they are homosexuals. I do not look down on homosexuals, and do not tolerate others doing so.

By saying 'Art', I exclude music. And poetry is cool, when it's not that soppy, 'I Love You Forever And Always' shit.

Art fags are a bunch of pretentious twats. The way they act all dramatic, thinking they are the shit because their latest production is getting rave reviews in the local rag. So fucking what?? These people deserve to die, and die soon.

I believe that plays and musicals are designed for the sole purpose of entertaining the rich, who don't want to engage in 'common' acts such as going to the movies. And the people who run the productions are aware of this, and that's why they charge sky-high prices to attend these quasi-improv 'movies'.

In a way, they are similar to jazz musicians. Jazz musicians dick around on their instruments for an hour or more, and the upper-class think this shit is worthy of an ARIA nomination!

Also, there's a Bob Dylan wannabe busking in the city. He looks, acts and dresses like a fucking hobo. He even has a harmonica. God, I'd love to take his long coat, piss on it, and then smash his guitar, his harmonica and his face.

I fucking hate you.

- Fridge.

Here's a couple of kick-ass sites.............

http://www.geocities.com/slickvelvet2005/ - This is a site dedicated to Slick Willy and Velvet Jones. To give anything else away would be a crime..............

www.mrv800.blogspot.com - This is a site set up by a genuine cricket fan that I know. However, this site is still in its embryonic stages, but it's still definitely worth a look.

- Fridge.

Bands and singers that truly suck...........

Coldplay, Jet, The Distillers, Spazzy's, Eskimo Joe, Maroon 5, Train, Bowling For Soup, Evermore, John Butler Trio, Spiderbait, Pink, Missy Higgins, Christina Aguilera, Britney Spears, Missy Elliott, Lil Kim, Snoop Dogg, Eminem, Scribe, Simple Plan (why didn't I think of them sooner?), Good Charlotte, Napalm Death, Cannibal Corpse, R. Kelly, Spice Girls, All Saints, The Rasmus, Ice Cocoon, Cold Chisel, John Farnham, Nikki Webster, The Doors, The Dissociatives, Casey Donovan (just goes to show the Australian public knows FUCK ALL about searching for vocal talent. Australian Idol? Pig's fucking arse she is. Sounds more like Obese Idol to me.), Joel Turner and The Modern Day Poets (or Modern Day Wiggas), The Killers, The White Stripes, The Hives, The Vines (although they have a couple of decent songs, even though they wish they were Nirvana and The Beatles), The Strokes, The Hot Lies, The Yeah Yeah Yeah's, Scissor Sisters, Five For Fighting, Jessica Simpson (and the douche she married), Ashlee Simpson, Usher, Nelly, Backstreet Boys, N'Sync, Black Rebel Motorcycle Club, New Found Glory............................

Fuck, there's a whole lot more people that I hate, but I want to save my hateful energy for another day...............feel free to comment on some bands that YOU hate.

- Fridge.

I Hate The Festive Season!!!!

Happy friggin' New Year to you all!

I'm not in a good mood. I have had the house to myself since Boxing Day, with fuck all food and money, and I'm FUCKING BORED!!!!

I haven't talked for 3 days...............Is it starting to show?

I can't wait until Tuesday (pay day), when I shall be buying lots of food to eat. Hell, I might even buy a pizza or two!!!

What's the deal with New Year's resolutions? Why do people feel the need to set goals only a small percentile seem to achieve? People, my advice for today is this:

Aim Low.

Why don't you start small, and slowly work your way up? That's the Australian way. Nobody likes a smartarse who publicly announces that they wish to become a millionaire, or go on an expensive holiday to Hawaii, when in reality, they are near penniless.

That's my thought of the day............I hope that everyone has a dream, but a realistic dream.

Have a better holiday than I am,

Fridge.

The Tribunal

I was at THC with Captain Dickhead today, and I realized that there were a lot of ugly skanks parading themselves around as if they were fucking supermodels. We came up with a cool idea:

To set up a tribunal or court-like arrangement (run by yours truly, of course, because I’m a great judge of character) to put alleged offenders on trial. I will make up penalties on a case-by-case basis. At the moment, I like the sound of enforcing a penalty called ‘Walk the Walk’.

A ‘Walk the Walk’ is a great example of public humiliation. If a girl, or guy for that matter, decides to walk around in next to nothing, she deserves to be ridiculed. So ‘Walk the Walk’ would require an offender to parade around a shopping centre or public area fully naked. Let’s see how they like that………….

I am so sick of seeing stupid kids trying to look and act like adults.

NEWSFLASH: Being an adult sucks!!!!!

Kids don’t have any responsibility; they are looked after by parents and family, and they sure as hell don’t have to have jobs to survive in the world. I believe that kids who walk around in public wearing little more than their underwear are asking for perverts to approach them.

I certainly don’t approve of sexual assaults, rapes or any kind of physical harassment, but I can see how this kind of shit happens.

And before you say anything, I’m not anti-teenager. It’s because I have a great deal of respect for kids that I am trying to help them. Being a teenager is fucked. The world is against you, your body is against you, and a lot of kids end up on drugs, pregnant or fuckheads as a result.

Kids: Look in the mirror before you walk out your front door.

- Fridge.

Responsibility, what's that?

On the 30th of October, the unthinkable happened...........

I became coach of an under 15's cricket team.

It's funny how any organisation or sporting club would ever leave me in charge of anything, especially children, because I think that I'm as big a kid( if not, bigger) than most of the boys that I coach.

But the boys are cool, and I have great people helping out. In our first game, against North Pines, we made 163, a pretty decent score. The next week in the same match, we were unable to secure victory, as rain has washed out play.

In the first week against Salisbury West, we were made to pay for sometimes lazy fielding and wayward bowling, conceding a score of 7 for 239. The boys need to bust a gut at training if they hope to get close to that score.

Well, let's see what happens. Watch this space. Or another space.

- Fridge

What's This?

People have been doing these a lot lately, so I thought I may as well do one.........here goes.

[x] been drunk.
[x] smoked pot.
[x] kissed a member of the opposite sex.
[x] kissed a member of the same sex.
[x] rode in a taxi.
[x] been dumped.
[x] shoplifted.
[x] been fired.
[x] been in a fist fight.
[x] had sex.
[-] had a threesome - kissing or otherwise
[x] snuck out of your parent's house.
[-] been arrested.
[x] made out with a stranger.
[-] stole something from your job.
[-] celebrated new years in times square.
[-] went on a blind date.
[x] lied to a friend.
[-] had a crush on a teacher.
[-] celebrated mardi-gras in new orleans.
[-] been to Europe.
[x] skipped school.
[x] thrown up from drinking.
[-] lost your sibling.
[x] played 'clue'.
[x] had a sleepover party.
[x] went ice skating.
[-] dropped x.
[-] cheated on a bf/gf.
[x] been cheated on.
[-] had a sweet sixteen.
[-] had a quincenera.
[x] had a car.
[x] drove.

Do you...

[-] have a bf.
[-] have a gf.
[-] have a crush.
[-] feel loved.
[x] feel lonely.
[x] feel happy.
[x] hate yourself.
[-] think youre attractive.
[-] have a dog.
[x] have your own room.
[-] listen to rap.
[x] listen to rock.
[x] listen to Faith No More.
[-] listen to soul.
[-] listen to techno.
[-] listen to reggae.
[-] paint your nails.
[x] have more than 1 best friend.
[-] get good grades.
[x] play an instrument.
[-] have slippers.
[x] wear boxers.
[-] wear black eyeliner.
[x] like the color blue.
[-] like the color yellow.
[-] cyber.
[-] claim.
[x] like to read.
[x] like to write.
[-] have long hair.
[x] have short hair.
[x] have a cell phone.
[-] have a laptop.
[-] have a pager.

- Fridge

Body Image

The scope of media today is more vast and powerful than it has ever been. Television, magazines, radio and to a lesser extent, the Internet, tell people what to think, feel, buy, listen to and wear. Teenagers, and in particular, teenage girls, are the most vulnerable when it comes to outside influences. The media has become both our best friend and our worst enemy.

62 per cent of the respondents to my survey strongly agreed that teenage girls were being ‘influenced’ or pressured into being or becoming the media’s perception of beautiful.

The fashion industry manipulates people into buying their items, by showing ‘beautiful’ people wearing them, and displaying ‘desirable’ accessories associated with them, such as boyfriends/girlfriends, nice cars, nice houses and a better lifestyle and so on. The media, and its many forms, has teenage girls wrapped around its collective finger. Generally, teenage girls are too naïve not to conform, and too preoccupied with how their peers, and the world, perceives them.

Magazines intended for the consumption of teenage girls (i.e. Girlfriend, Dolly et al) display images of so-called ‘perfect’ people. These people are of an ‘ideal’ weight, with no facial blemishes and bodily dysfunctions or abnormalities. Teenage girls are led to believe that this is normal, when in fact; these ‘perfect’ people are a very small minority of people. Sarah Durkin, author of Relationship between Female’s Body Image and the Mass Media, believes that this distorted view of the female body fails to cover the diversity of the human (and in particular female) body shapes.

Dr. Lina Ricciardelli from the School of Psychology at Deakin University, author of Children and Body Image, believes that children establish the recognition of sexual differences between males and females between 8 and 10 years of age. As they become older, boys will often see the difference between their perceived and ideal body weight decrease, and in girls, this difference increases. As girls enter puberty, their present body size moves away from their ideal body size, while the boys move closer towards their ideal body size.

Research by Eleanor H. Wertheim, an associate professor at the School of Psychological Science at La Trobe University believes that parents are strong role models of morals, values, attitudes and behaviours for children, and those adolescents who are criticized by their parents about their weight appear to be more dissatisfied with their body image and engage in weight loss processes. A possibility for this is that weight-related criticism from family members might lower self-esteem, and increase thoughts of body dissatisfaction. Teenage girls who have low self-esteem and body dissatisfaction may be more sensitive about their weight, and misinterpret what seem to be harmless comments about their weight as criticism.

Social pressure is another factor in how teenage girls view themselves. If they do not meet the expectations of their peers, they often feel degraded and rejected. It seems to be that girls, from a fairly early age, are more likely to compare themselves with others and view themselves in a more negative light than in comparison with boys.

There are many effects related to body image and the battle to become ‘beautiful’. The first of these (and the most well-known) are eating disorders. 23 per cent of the respondents to my survey selected ‘eating disorders’ as the main effect of desiring to be ‘beautiful’.

In the last thirty or so years, there has been a sharp increase in occurrences of eating disorders in Western civilization. However, it is uncertain if this is because of an increased rate of people developing eating disorders, or because of more widespread recognition of eating disorders as a disease. The phrase ‘eating disorders’ is also used not only to include anorexia nervosa and bulimia nervosa, but also compulsive eating, obesity and some weight loss regimes or behaviours. Thus, it is quite difficult to ascertain an accurate representation of how many people who suffer from these various forms of eating disorders.

According to healthstar.com.au, 2% of young girls, and 0.2% of young men are affected by anorexia and bulimia in Australia alone. However, around 10% of teenage girls suffer from eating disorders, although some are in very mild cases. Statistics at womhealth.org.au suggest that anorexia nervosa affects 0.5%, while 0.5 to 1% of the Australian population suffers from bulimia.

Because eating disorders are quite complex problems, they also have quite differing and varying causes. But there are some causes that have been identified, such as cultural factors (the representation of the female body), family factors, biological factors (genetic predisposition), individual factors (type of personality), and life events. According to womhealth.org.au, it is thought that a combination of these factors could cause eating disorders in some people. Other factors may include pressures from school and social situations, depression and poor self-esteem and loneliness.

According to womhealth.org.au, society’s emphasis on thinness, the power of media, stress, violence towards women, and poor self-image connected to adolescence and low self-esteem have been identified as risk factors for young women developing eating disorders.

Many teenage girls experience food-related difficulties at some point in their lives. They can range from not liking a certain food or type of food, to severe eating problems, which may arise due to medical and/or emotional reasons.

Anorexia nervosa is a disease typified by someone intentionally engaging in acts of self-starvation, resulting in losing a sheer amount of weight (usually over 25% of normal body weight), amenorrhoea (the loss of menstrual periods), a distorted view of themselves, radical weight loss tactics and/or procedures, and a fear of fat. Symptoms can incorporate: over-exercise, vomiting, laxative abuse, the use of diuretics and/or appetite suppressants, poor body image, low self-esteem, perfectionism, deceitful behaviour to forestall eating, depression, an unhealthy obsession with food, body weight and shape.

Bulimia nervosa is the term used for when people binge and then make themselves vomit to get rid of the food. Bulimia sufferers may not look overweight and might sometimes find it easy to disguise their eating problems. Most are unaware that continual binging and vomiting can ultimately cause some serious damage to the body.

Compulsive eating is when people consume more than their recommended intake over a long period of time, or use food as a comforting tool, or to distract themselves from something. Compulsive eating can lead to obesity and other serious medical problems.

Another effect of aspiring to become ‘beautiful’ is unplanned or unwanted teenage pregnancy. 16 per cent of the survey respondents believed that unplanned and/or unwanted teenage pregnancies were the main effect of aspiring to become ‘beautiful’.

Although the number of births to teenage mothers in Australia has decreased in the last thirty years, it is still a problem. Research at womhealth.org.au suggests that this reduction is most probably due to the winder accessibility of contraception and abortion, rather than a decline in sexual activity among teenagers. These pregnancies are commonly the consequence of a teenage girl’s sexual inexperience and insufficient knowledge of their menstrual cycle.

According to research at womhealth.org.au, the rate of teenage fertility has dropped rapidly in the last three decades, from 55.5 babies per 1000 women in 1971, compared to 18 per 1000 women in 2001. However, these figures only indicate live births. In 2001, there were 11 704 births to mothers aged under 19 years of age. But look on the bright side; Australia’s teenage fertility rate (18 per 1000 in 1998) is significantly lower than in the United States (51.1), the United Kingdom (29.7) and New Zealand (29.8).

Falling pregnant at a young age can significantly increase a girl’s chances of complications during pregnancy and/or delivery. In girls aged over 16 years, these problems may arise due to poor care, smoking and an inadequate diet. In those under the age of 15, biological immaturity is a big factor in causing complications. There is also a higher risk of premature birth and lower birth weight if a child is born to a teenage mother.

When a teenager falls pregnant, she is also less likely to return to school, and this deficiency of education can damage their chances of future employment opportunities. Pregnant teens may also experience estrangement from friends and family.

At a time of self-discovery and searching of independence, pregnancy can limit a girl’s options. For teenagers seeking an acceptable position in society, this may seem like a good choice.

Depression is an also effect that can be linked to the media’s ‘influence’ on the youth. In the last half of the 20th century, depression has become a common problem, and the occurrences have increased considerably.

People are lead to believe that the images they see on television and in magazines are the accurate portrayal of what is ‘normal’. In the pursuit of normality and acceptance, they sometimes feel that this goal in unattainable, and they become depressed. According to headroom.com.au, 40 per cent of young people suffer from periods of sadness and/or unhappiness, but not necessarily depression. Depression is a lasting sadness, and can be a life changing process. 21 per cent of the respondents to my survey indicated that depression is major effect in aspiring to become ‘beautiful’.

But is the media to blame for the disfigurement of teenagers, and in particular, teenage girls? 62 per cent of the respondents to my survey strongly believe that the media does indeed pressure teenage girls into becoming ‘beautiful’, while 19 per cent agree, and another 19 per cent are neutral on the matter. A total of 81 per cent believe that the media has a case to answer.

But what is beautiful? Is it the media’s perception? Is it a friend or family member’s perception?

I believe that real beauty comes from within. If you can believe that you are special the way you are, without being unhealthy, you are beautiful. But being the vulnerable people that they are, teenage girls fall into the vanity trap.

62 per cent of the respondents to my survey believe that something can be done to change and/or address this issue, while 38 per cent don’t think that anything can be done. First of all, the media erroneously depicts teenage culture, as it fails to illustrate the diversity of teenagers today, and especially their body shapes.

The media, in its varying forms, should be careful what they print, televise and make people believe. It has to realize that they are playing with the minds of people who have not yet matured enough to make informed opinions and decisions. It needs to show more of the ‘real’ people in order to make some positive changes, not only to the perceptions of the teenagers themselves, but to people in general.

The struggle with body image is not just a ‘teen’ problem; it is a problem for people of all ages. Until the media decides to display an accurate representation of the body, people will continue to suffer and resort to desperate measures to reach the expectations of themselves and others.

Another Killer Cut!

Song: Tapping The Vein - Butterfly
Album: The Damage (2002)

Heather Thompson: vocals
Eric Fisher: drums, programming, samples
Joe Rolland: bass
Mark Burkert: guitar

This Goth-alt-rock foursome from Philadelphia are fucking brilliant. Thompson's voice is so versatile; she can go from soft and calm whispers to powerful, heartfelt cries in a mere syllable. This band is not just for the standard melancholic Goth though, as although TTV have dark elements to their sound, there are always glimpses of light to leave a listener enthralled. The musicianship will captivate all those who are looking for something a little different, but still accessible.

If you don't dig this, you aren't worth knowing!

- Fridge.

Being single agrees with me............

For the uneducated, I have been single since April 2003. Despite what people will tell you, I haven't tried to get a girlfriend since then. I haven't met anyone that I have been even remotely interested in, and I really couldn't care less about meeting new people.

And for those who think I'm a serial pervert, I haven't been looking for casual sex either. True, I had done a fair bit of that when I was a kid, but there comes a time in a bloke's life when he's after more than just sex. It's called 'settling down'.

I was at that stage a long while ago. I had found a woman I could have easily seen myself settling down with, but I'm not going to embarrass her by revealing her name. Needless to say, I fell madly in love with her.

But things didn't work out, and a healing process began. I'm pleased to say that we have remained good friends, and she's (alongside my mother) now my basis of comparison when it comes to women.

Ever since I was a kid, I have been repeatedly accused of being things I'm not. For example, I have been called a pervert, flirting and/or propositioning people I don't even like or know, masturbating in public, sleeping with other people's girlfriends, and the list goes on. Needless to say, I am not guilty of ALL of these offences.

But still, that reputations sticks. When those closest to me know how much I have grown up and changed over the past year, I still get accusations coming from left, right and centre. I feel that I have been branded as some kind of sexual deviant.

Another truth: I don't even enjoy sex! I have only ever had one partner that I've enjoyed sleeping with, and maybe that's because it was on a higher emotional level. So that's why I have sworn off sex until I find somebody that I have developed a stable relationship with, and whom I am in love with.

Since that relationship ended amicably, I have learnt not to settle for anyone who offers.

Some people (or so I've overheard in conversation) have accused me of degrading women. Anyone who knows me will tell you the exact opposite. I was raised by the strongest woman I know, one who wouldn't make shit from anyone, or be someone else's doormat. My mother taught me not only to respect women, but to respect people. I still live by her morals and values, because I don't know any different. Any of my past girlfriends (unless they are nuts) will tell you that I was polite, respectful and considerate.

If you think you know the real me, you don't. Only I know the real me.

- Fridge.

The Revised Asshole Dictionary

Marriage: The time-honoured art of living with, and obtaining regular sex from one partner. However, the regularity in sexual activity is miniscule in comparison to what it was before you were married.

In my opinion (and I'm a great judge), blokes get married because they like the sex they are getting with one particular woman. This woman realises this, and makes him believe that this sex will only continue when they are married. Of course most blokes have their brains running from their penises, so he agrees to the whole charade.

The woman once again fools him by steadily decreasing the occurrence of sexual activity. But if this sex, however infrequent, is satisfying to both the male and female partner, both will tend not to engage in extra-marital liaisons, i.e cheating.

My advice: Be worse in bed than your wife.

Why should a man try to improve his sex life, when he knows that there is probably something better on offer? Lads, don't feel guilty because one in three marriages end in divorce, and a large proportion of those are terminated within the first 5 to 7 years.

Also, if you discover your wife cheating, that's a great reason for divorce. The pussie's way out is irreconcilable differences. But, because you're here, you're obviously a little better than that.

- Fridge.

Who Is The World's Best Guitarist?

Well, after the success (pfft) of The World's Best Vocalist, now we shall vote for The World's Best Guitarist.

Same rules apply. Vote 3-2-1, in order of preference.

My 3-2-1 is:
3. Jim Martin (Faith No More)
2. Jerry Cantrell (Alice In Chains)
1. Dean DeLeo (Stone Temple Pilots, Talk Show)

Get cracking!

- Fridge.

The results are finally in.........Let's crown the World's Best Vocalist!

And the winner is................................Mike Patton (Faith No More, Mr Bungle, Fantomas, Tomahawk) with 14 votes!

The runner up prize was split five ways: Davey Havok (AFI), Kurt Cobain (Nirvana), James Hetfield (Metallica), Ray Charles, and Karl Rueslatten on 3 votes.

Eight people were tied for third place: Christina Scabbia (Lacuna Coil), Daniel Johns (Silverchair, The Dissoshitives), David Draiman (Disturbed), Axl Rose (Guns n' Roses), Lajon Witherspoon (Sevendust), Jimi Hendrix, Zak Stevens, and Layne Staley (Alice In Chains, Mad Season) on 2 votes.

A well deserved landslide victory for Sir Mike Patton there............As if there was any doubt!

- Fridge.

I met someone famous yesterday.....

Hey everyone,

I was bumming around my beautiful city yesterday (it's called Adelaide), when I seen a really tall bloke sitting on a bench in Rundle Mall. Who was this tall bloke?

I'll give you the hot tip:

Ryan (Fryzie, Rootman, Brian Denim) from Big Brother 2004!

Luckily, I had my camera with me, and I asked (quite politely, SHOCK! HORROR!) if I could have a photo with him. Ryan was only too happy to oblige, and was very friendly. It seemed like he had all the time in the world to chat with me, and the horde of teenage girls skipping school (don't get me started!).

He gave plenty of eye contact (his jaw was basically touching his scrotum to accomplish this), was very down-to-earth, and basically a top bloke. You think that fame (more than he had when he was an AFL footballer) would go to someone's head, but Ryan treated everyone like they were mates. I got that photo, and when I figure out how to put it on here, I'll do just that!

In fact, I might even start a 'Brush With Fame' section, where people can send in photos of themselves with celebrities.

Seeya later people,

- Fridge.