A lesson worth learning.

Hey Y'all,

I hate 'alternative' music these days. But kids today, like the sheep they are, follow the herd, and listen to some abysmal shit. In my honest opinion, the quality of this music is at about the same standard as pop, dance and rap music. In other words, it's worse than rubbing your genitalia with a cheese grater.

Here's Exhibit A: Panic! At The Disco

Do the words 'Boy Band' ring a bell? They all have their hair emo-parted to the same fucking side!

That hideous video for the horribly titled 'I Write Sins Not Tragedies' takes me back to the glory days of 5ive, Backstreet Boys and New Kids on The Block, with the only difference being instruments. Also, what's with the long and stupid song titles? JUST GET TO THE FUCKING POINT!

If this band had a label, I'd call them 'pop-punk for preschoolers'.

Exhibit B: The Veronicas

Come on, as if these two are 'rock'! This is a perfect example of the media's bastardization of rock music.

Their first single, 4Ever blatantly rips off the verses from 'Since U Been Gone', by another popstar/wannabe rocker Kelly Clarkson. Two listens and you'll see what I mean. This kinda shit resembles Bananarama (download Venus, and you'll get it). I'm all for Girl Power, but there's nothing powerful about this trite, unoriginal waste of air time. Quite frankly, I'd rather listen to elderly people eating...

There is no soul in this ugly beast, and it seems like a bit of bandwagoning is taking place right here... Simplicity at it's worst.

If I had to label the Veronicas, I'd call them 'pop-rock for the handicapped'.

Exhibit C: My Chemical Romance
Alright, shoot me. Another boy band posing as a rock band....

Hey kids, here's a tip: if you want to look like the ultimate tool, this is the direction you should take!

Obviously these guys dress each other and moonlight as makeup artists, and the singer looks like an ugly version of Bjork. Their image is highly derivative of the 1980's Goth, with a little of the black metal 'vampire' thing going on. However, they have a little more of an 'edge' to their music, but this isn't nearly edgy enough to claim to be 'punk', 'emo' or 'a rocker'.

If I were to label My Chemical Romance, I'd call them 'rock for kids who don't like rock'.

I think all bands like these should have labels like those on children's toys (eg Ages 3 and up). This would clear some confusion for clueless kids, as well as save them from repeated pummellings by kids from school. That's a nice thought.

If you are to take anything away from this free lesson in life (and music), please think carefully about how you label yourself and the bands you listen to. If you went to any real shows, you'd stand out like a sore thumb, and be open to some harsh treatment. This would not earn you any 'scene points' in a hurry.

Be an individual, don't be something (or someone) if you have no knowledge of how to be it with authenticity.

Until next time,

- Fridge.

Can we have an FGP-free society?

Hey Y'all,

This is just a short rant about the FGP phenomenon.

What is an FGP? An FGP is a 'Fat Girl with Personality'.

They are EVERYWHERE. They are in pubs, on public transport, at sporting events. EVERYWHERE.

Courtesy of Google Images, here's a damn fine example of what an FGP looks like....

I'm not a fat-hater, because I'm on the large side myself, but why do they insist on making fools of themselves in public? They're always the people you can hear from the other side of a crowded room, saying stupid shit like 'I've had 4 Vodka Cruisers!' or 'This really hot guy just looked at me!'

They are always the people talking loudly on mobile phones on buses or trains, yapping (in detail) about that day's events, their plans for the weekend, and Tupac Shakur. I even saw an FGP on the bus a year or two ago who named her ugly, fat kid Dre! That is the ultimate act of an FGP: Unspeakable attention-seeking acts, designed to make everyone (bar their 'cliques') cringe at the sight of them.

I have a proposal for those who are sick and tired of the FGP Fraternity: A gold-coin (if you're in Australia, otherwise a dollar, pound or yen would suffice) donation into your personal piggy bank at every sighting of an FGP-related incident. That's right people: you'd be making yourself very fucking rich via the idiocy of stupid fatty loudmouths.

Leave a comment if you agree or disagree with this proposal.

Until next time, stay cool!

- Fridge.

Enough is enough... EMO sucks!!!

Hey Y'all,

Everything about emo sucks. There, I said it.

What is it about the 'Emo' lifestyle that draws the pubescent and the pubescent-at-heart to become clones of each other, not unlike second-rate Goth posers?

For those who live under a rock, or in Tasmania or Newfoundland (which is basically the same thing), Emo is an abbreviation for:
- Emotionally charged music, and
- the subculture which conforms to certain conventions in dress such as tight sweatshirts, tight band T-shirts and horn-rim glasses.

The latter is of concern, because unlike the music, you cannot ignore the subculture. Emo is fucking everywhere!

The Emo male is typically effeminate. Here's an example of an Emo Boy, which can be found at Wikipedia;



What is it with the whole 'Nobody understands me, I'll cut myself so I can bleed tears' schtick? So people actually find this attractive in a partner? When I was a teenager, being miserable wasn't fashionable, it was a pain in the fucking arse! Now every kid who has two parents living at home in a nice suburb, who goes to a nice school has a fucking right to be depressed? Sounds like the act of spoiled fucking brats!

Thanks to Google Images for that picture. We can only dream...

What is it with guys wearing make up? That song (I don't know what the song is called) says 'Emo is one step below transvestite'. It's hard to argue with that logic...



In summary, being emo is really pathetic. I know I'm going to offend a lot of people with this article, but they can go fuck themselves. Cry me a river, dickface... And slit your wrists the right way this time!

- Fridge.

Steve Irwin: 1962 - 2006.

Hey Y'all,

The news just came through on the TV.



Steve Irwin, one of Australia's most loved (and most controversial) icons has just died. He was 44.

His death came while filming a documentary near Port Douglas, Queensland, when he was struck in the chest by the venomous barbs of a stingray. It is presumed he was killed instantly.

Like him or loathe him and his outlandish behaviour, and I must admit that I fall into the latter category, he was a great Australian. He never forgot who he was, or where he came from, in spite of his rise to international stardom. His original slant on animal documentaries, as well as his plight for animal conservation through The Steve Irwin Conservation Foundation, as well as the International Crocodile Rescue showed that his heart was always in the right place.

From humble beginnings at his father's zoo on the Sunshine Coast, Irwin expanded the empire, partly due to his larger-than-life, excitable persona, and partly because of his immense knowledge, skill and experience with native and introduced flora and fauna. He is easily one of Australia's most well-known celebrities internationally; in fact, he is just as recognizable in the US as he is locally.

Australian Prime Minister John Howard considered him as a friend, and even invited him to a barbecue in honour of US President George W. Bush in 2003, such is his impact on Australians.

In summary, his antics may have been unconventional, but his heart was always in the right place, especially when it came to animals, Queensland, and most importantly, Australia. For that, we should all envy him.

May he rest in peace.

- Fridge.

Welcome, Ice Queen!!

Hey Y'all,

I'm pleased to announce the addition of a new member to the blog.

Her name is Ice Queen, and she hails from Ripley in Ontario, Canada. She's now the co-owner of this page, and if you fuck with her, she'll give you something to cry aboot!

But I'm not going to give too much away. Ice Queen will reveal herself in good time. So relax in your Chesterfield with some nice, hot poutine, and read on!

- Fridge.

Just grin and bare it...

Hey Y'all,

Something quite remarkable happened at my brother's football game today.

It was an Elimination Final, so there was no tomorrow for either team. My brother's team, the Hawks, were about 3 goals ahead of the opposition, when my brother marked the ball just outside the goal square. His opponent held onto his jumper as he went back to take his kick. So my brother whacked his arm off his jumper. That one less-than minor indiscretion was enough for the umpire (who was not much older than the players) to award the opposition a free kick!

So my brother (stupidly) called the umpire a 'weak dog'. So (perhaps rightly so), he was sent from the ground for 10 minutes. As he left the ground, the opposition said things to him, as is usually the case in football, so there was a little push and shove (and scare tactics...). As he arrived at the boundary, the crowd, mostly comprised of parents of the opposition players, proceeded to boo and jeer him from the field.

This is where events took a comical turn for the better (or worse, if you're that way inclined).

My brother, royally pissed off at the crowd, the umpire and himself, pulled down his shorts and mooned the crowd. That's right...he gave the crowd a cheeky smile! Understandably, his coach was not amused, but the Hawks supporters present thought it was the greatest thing to happen to football since Mark 'Jacko' Jackson performed handstands! This resulted in a verbal altercation with a few so-called members of the human race and a few people around me, myself included.

They hit an all-time low when they made a mention of a fight at my brother's school, in which my brother and a friend were attacked by a gang of around 20 kids. To brag about that is the ultimate form of cowardice. The douche who made that comment deserves to be gang-raped by Von Einem and his 'pals' in prison. No self-respecting human being would ever condone gang violence, especially when one party is so disproportionately outnumbered. Those who do condone this type of gutless act deserve to be subjected to this treatment, just to see if they hold the same views afterwards.



But the real issue is the behaviour of parents in general. You are there to enjoy the game, and also to set an example for your children. Yes, you're watching kid's football, not the AFL! You're only an embarrassment to yourself, your children and your club if you choose to partake in this type of behaviour.

Now, here's a tip for you sporting parents out there...SHUT THE FUCK UP. Kids know when they've done something wrong, so they don't need arseholes reminding them. So DON'T be surprised to be subjected to a torrent of abuse if you do...and certainly don't complain about it, either.

GO HAWKS!!!

- Fridge.

Coldplay: Artists or Arseholes?

Hey Y'all,



Coldplay are arguably one of the most overblown, overrated and pompous bands in music history. And that's not just my opinion, it's a fact.

They are one of those bands that only supposed 'enlightened' people listen to. You know, the types who hang out at art galleries, sipping lame-arse drinks like Beaujolais or Chianti (although wannabes will suffice with Vodka Cruisers), and discuss in length the conceptual merits of Picasso's Analytic Cubism period.

This trite quartet's frontman, Chris Martin, could possibly be the everlasting cure for insomnia. He could also quite possibly be the dictionary definition for douche.

Douche(IPA /du:ʃ/) - I) See Chris Martin.
II) A device used for the rinsing of body,
cavities, especially the vagina. See
I

I could just imagine that guy dry-humping Gwyneth Paltrow while trying to incorporate Noam Chomsky's Generative Grammar theory into Coldplay's next 'piece'.

I bet that France would be home to Coldplay's biggest fanbase, as they are arguably the most 'pansy' nation in the world, closely followed by Italy. The French...with their berets,red and white striped shirts, cigarettes attached to those long cigarette holder thingys, with a crossiant and baguette nearby. Come on, they call Paris the 'City of Love'!!!

In the mid-1990's, the French did test nuclear weapons at Muruoa though. Perhaps it's time for redemption; use your whole 350 weapon arsenal on Coldplay...it might wipe out the world, but it will rid us of Chris Martin and his goons.

- Fridge

Finals time...

Hey y'all,

Tomorrow, both my Under 14's and Under 16's teams are playing basketball semi-finals. I rate both teams' chances of winning a premiership highly, but I also have a moral dilemna.

In the case of the Under 14's, do I play the strongest team for the largest portion of available court time, or give the full squad near to equal time to make an impression on the game? To be realistic, we have three 'standout' players and the other five are good to great 'supporting' players. Notice I didn't use the word 'stars'? To me, all the kids I coach are stars.

I am in charge of a good, versatile side that has both individual talent and a close-knit team environment. We are gradually perfecting the ultimate team game, where players are prepared to sacrifice personal glory and accolades for the benefit of the best interests of the team.

Here's the team;
Joeburger - The Chairman of the Boards. This season has seen the development of a more physical game, and when he is in this mood, is rarely beaten. Can also break a game wide open with a three-pointer.
Magic Hands - The name says it all. In all my years of playing/coaching basketball, I have never seen someone who handle the ball as well or as easily as this guy. A genuine class act, is also a great team player. Can also shoot well, from both inside and outside the three-point line.
Haydos - A great team player, who grows in skill and confidence every week. Rebounds exceptionally well, and is also becoming more confident in handling the ball.
Tyso - A newcomer to the team, he has blended extremely well into the side. He is quite quick, and can also shoot well from around the key and beyond.
Pocket Warrior - Small in stature but big in heart, he is the first person I look to when I want a running tagger, especially against the stronger sides. Has the knack of hitting shots at crucial stages.
TJ - A classy, versatile player. Has the ability to change the tempo of a game, and is both an offensive and defensive weapon. Can rebound exceptionally well when needed.
Tweedletim - Another newbie, and a big improver. When he first came into the side, he was shy and rough around the edges, but has started to come into his own. Is capable of lion-hearted efforts to change the tempo of a game.
Tweedletodd - Another newcomer, and a strong all-round player at both ends of the court. Quite capable with a jump shot, as well as on the break.

I'm fully aware that 'standout' players alone will not win us games. I believe that every player, no matter how good or bad, deserves court time because average players become good players if they are given enough game time, and have a 'never-say-die' attitude. One or more of these 'support' players could end up winning us a game. Also, what happens if one or more of the 'standouts' doesn't fire?

I know that it's a 'tradition' to play your best side in finals games, but I can't stomach that theory. These kids turn up every week, pay their fees, and so are equally entitled to equal rights as players. But is it the right thing to do in finals games?

What about the parents and families of the players? Some family members attend these games just once or twice a season to see the kids play. How would both the kids and their families feel if their contribution to 'the cause' was meagre? I personally couldn't live with that, because I've been in that position before, and I know how badly it affects a kid's self-esteem to be thought of as a bench-warmer or untalented player. These labels sting, and they are not the way I want my kids to think and be thought of.

But when a premiership is at stake, what is the best avenue to take: winning first or team first?

In regards to the Under 16's, they know they have what it takes to conquer the best teams in the division.

But in order to win the big games, they have to have faith in every team member. Also, to win the big games (including the premiership), they have to share the load evenly. This means that one player alone can't take it upon himself to play a one man team game. Rest assured, anyone guilty of putting individual ahead of team will find himself seeing less game time.

Every player has a role to play in this team:
Tabazco - A Co-Captain, best defensive dagger, and an out-and-out truer. Can also play taller when needed. Is also a big thinker.
Scooter - A Co-Captain, and the engine of the team. Gives so much to the team, and expects so little. A true leader in every sense of the word.
The Breathalyzer - A strong scoring weapon, and skilled ball handler. Is very focused once the game begins, and does it with a smile.
Major Pain - Easily the most intimidating player in the team. Good players from top teams have to think twice when approaching him. Also an emerging defensive dagger.
Senor Sundo - Due to injury, has not been allowed to make a great impact on this team to date. Possesses a knack of hitting important three-point bombs at critical stages.
Sauerkrause - A genuine all-round talent. Can potentially fill any spot on the court, and has proven to be a match winner when needed.

With all these qualities, these boys make a good side. But it takes a team to win the big games.

- Fridge.

That's what I like about football....

Hey Y'all,

As my friends would know, I can't stand AFL (Australian Football League) footy. It's a watered-down, overly-sanitised, family-friendly corporate spectacle, played from coast to coast 8 times on any given weekend.

In the old days, and possibly up until the early 1990's, footy was a bloke's game. Grown men would crash into each other in the hope of getting a feel of the kangaroo leather. And the fights?

UNFUCKINGBELIEVEAFUCKINGBLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

All-in brawls, stray fists, heads and elbows, don't argues, intentionally high tackles...footy at the highest level had it all. Why did all that have to change?

Because the AFL is scared. Scared that parents (in particular, mothers) would view the game as a barbaric, neanderthal orgy, much too violent for their precious offspring. The AFL has intentionally kicked the game from arsehole to breakfast, with its only justification being dollar signs above children's heads.

As the AFL has raped the game, traditional footy lovers have become disillusioned and/or disgusted with the state of the game today. It's little more than a game of chasey, with a ball and some misinterpreted rules, governed on the day by some inconsistently coloured dickheads.

Another thing I miss about football is the personalities. Does anyone remember Mark 'Jacko' Jackson, Warwick Capper, Phil Carman, or Robert 'Dipper' Dipierdomenico? These guys had talent, flair, and enough smarts (perhaps not in Capper's case) to say or do what they felt at the time. It seems to me that you can't speak your mind about any football-related matters in a public forum (i.e. the James Hird/ Scott McLaren incident in 2004, or Jason Akermanis every week), for fear or chance of being gagged with a fine.

If everyone was like me, we'd all be idealists. Every club would have it's own home ground, like in the old days. Big, modern stadiums have a cold atmosphere, whereas smaller suburban grounds have that intimate feel, where you can appear to be just inches from the action. Adelaide's major football stadium, AAMI Stadium (yes, it's an example of corporate whoring), is a bland concrete monument built on swamp land.

My favourite football ground belongs not to an AFL club, but an SANFL (South Australian National Football League) club. My club of choice is the Port Adelaide Magpies...the original magpies, who play their home games at the hallowed Alberton Oval. Alberton Oval may not look like the MCG, but I can guarantee you that there's an honest game going on.

The AFL might be making money from over-protective parents, but there will come a breaking point, where people will want to see REAL football. When that day comes, people will be flocking back to the state leagues, such as the SANFL, VFL, WAFL and so on.

Remember one thing, amigos: Parents who prevent kids from playing footy end up raising emo kids.

There's my rant...deal with it.

- Fridge.

Long time, no word...

Hey y'all,

I had my last cigarette on Saturday night....

I was presented with an enticing proposition by my grandfather, with the understanding that if I gave up that day (Saturday), he would pay for half my airfare to Canada.

Which reminds me...I'm going to Canada for the Christmas/New Year break!!! My lovely girlfriend Smitty and her family have been super generous, by letting me stay with them.

I have also started playing footy for my local C Grade team...and my skill level is piss poor!

Uni sucks, especially the Will & Grace wannabe Arts Ed tutor/Nazi, who insulted 3 classes for a piece of work that wasn't even being graded!!! I had a few words with her as I left her class...

I have a new list of HATES...
- People who aren't team players
- People who wear G-Strings (you may as well wear no underwear...)
- People who take photos of themselves topless or naked on webcam
- David Hassellhoff being anywhere and everywhere at the moment...Hoffmania?? Can you believe that he's a HUGE popstar in Germany??
- Wiggas...for obvious reasons...
- The fact that I only had ONE bacon & egg sandwich for breakfast in the Uni Cafeteria
- Stupid kids who skip school
- Skanks
- Skanks
- 10 year old girls who try to dress and act like adults...
- Adults (usually age 35 and older) trying to dress and act like young adults (from age 20 and under)
- hipster jeans...girls, do you want to expose your money box every time you bend over?

There's more...but I'll save it for another time...

- Fridge

P.S - I got the following photo in an email from some random idiot...

The Kids Are Alright!!!

Hi Y'all,

Some of you might be aware that I coach a junior cricket team, and some of these rascals actually view this blog...So, this is for you guys!

With one minor round game to be played after this game, we sit comfortably in second position, with only five points between us and the top side.

At present, the team possesses Senor Sundo, the division's leading wicket-taker with 22 wickets thus far. There has also been some superb bowling support from Woodikus (13 wickets), The Asian Andrew Flintoff (8), Roy G. Biv (8), Butthead (5) and The Breathalyser (4), just to name a few.

The batting department has failed to produce any consistent stars, although there have been some crucial performances at vital stages. L-Mac's wonderful 23 signaled a dream start to his Rowe Park career, Senor Sundo's 30 off 92 balls to bat to steer us to our first win of the season, Eno's stylish 39* to secure us an outright win, Asian Andrew Flintoff's 48 from 32 balls, and Woodikus' epic 187 minute, 149 ball stay for 39 runs instantly come to mind. As with the bowling department, there has been some support by various players at various stages.

To secure a well-deserved flag, the batsmen need to convert 20's and 30's into big scores, to ensure big team totals. We have a lot of depth in the bowling stocks, but the bowlers shouldn't be content. Places in the side will be for the best XI for the year, so the batsmen need to bat themselves into contention, and the bowlers need to fire when given the ball.

If you can't play the part, at least look the part. So for finals, EVERYONE must have a club shirt and hat...premiership sides look good, as well as play good.

Such a talented team shouldn't be satisfied with anything less than a premiership.

- Fridge.

Help me find a New Year's resolution!

Hey y'all,

I spent New Year's Eve drinking alone, so my head was too clouded with hate and disgust to make any real resolutions. I know it's too late, but I have prepared a shortlist of possible resolutions for 2006.

Here's where you guys come into the picture. Help me select some resolutions from this following list:

It is my New Year's resolution to;
- Give up smoking
- Become more hostile
- Become more apathetic
- Become more sympathetic
- Shun people on a regular basis
- Become a hermit
- Find some direction in life
- Hate more, and with more intensity
- Die
- Become a vegetarian
- Eat more meat
- Eat more varieties of animals
- Gain ninja or Bo staff skills
- Look at my High School experience as pleasant and life-changing in a positive way
- Become a sniper
- Give up on life and move to Elizabeth or Smithfield
- More actively help others, especially those in need
- Take from others, especially those in need
- Learn how to Papier Mache
- Throw flammable objects from moving vehicles
- Create a disease
- Cure a disease

That's all I could think of for now. It would be much appreciated if you would post your preferred options. If you don't, you're a hopeless fuckwit who deserves to be tortured in a dark room in which you'll have to endure electric shock therapy and Coldplay CD's.

- Fridge

Famous + Rich + Spoilt Princess + Slut = Paris Hilton!

Paris Hilton is the 'face' of the decay of our youth. Teenage girls want to be her, and teenage boys (and probably 90% of the male population) would kill to be with her.

She is famous for being famous. Until two or three years ago, she basically lived off her parents' fortune, but now dabbles in Z-Grade movies and TV shows.

My main peeve is that people think it's okay to get through life being stupid, opening your legs (and other body parts)for a camera, and being a 'pretty face'. Are girls today aware of the importance of substance?

If this is an indication of the teenage female psyche, it would spell chaos for life as we know it. Teenage boys (I know I'm making a generalization here, but I speak about the majority)seem to be after a pretty face and body, while personality and morals are a minor detail. But once the 'thrill' of getting cheap fun has worn out, the search of a decent woman becomes a tougher battle than necessary.

In my experience, all the decent girls I knew when I was a kid were all nothing more to me than friends. Looking back, some of these girls would have been ideal as partners. But I only pursued relationships with those who I considered to be 'up for it'. It was only when I reached adulthood that I saw the error of my ways, because I still find it difficult to interact with women.

I have strayed my from my point. My message is simple; Kids: Don't imitate or emulate people like Paris Hilton.

She may be rich, but she sure as hell has no class or substance.

- Fridge.

Nguyen Tuong Van: My Thoughts.

Hey y'all,

I'm so bloody sick of hearing about Nguyen Tuong Van.

For you geographically-challenged folk, he is due to be hanged on Friday, the 2nd of December for attempting to smuggle 400 grams of heroin from Cambodia to Australia.

This batch,the equivalent of 36, 000 hits, was found on Nguyen at Changi Airport in December 2002. Nguyen was running drugs to repay a debt owed by his twin brother.

All over the news, people are protesting this, while ridiculing Singaporean law. These are probably the same people that take regular holidays to that particular region.

I feel sympathy for Nguyen's mother, as nobody likes to lose a close relative, but I am appalled at Khoa, Nguyen's twin brother. If I was badly in debt, I wouldn't ask my brother to run drugs, nor would I let him if he offered. There are smarter ways to repay debts.

People need to be aware of, and respect, another country's laws. Personally, I don't agree with capital punishment, but that's not the issue here.

The issue is that as Australians, we have our own lifestyle, customs, laws and traditions. But guess what?

So do the Singaporeans!

It's unfair to criticize them from afar, and basically belittle their way of life. Personally, I think most South-East Asians have their shit together in regards to drug laws and their consequences.

So, if Nguyen Tuong Van was caught with 400 grams of heroin in Singapore, I believe his sentence should be carried out in accordance with Singaporean law.

John Howard, the Prime Minister of Australia, has done everything in his power to change the mind of his Singaporean counterpart, with no luck. Howard is good for fuck-all, but at least he tried on this issue.

Now it's time to let it go. Nguyen Tuong Van is getting what he deserves. If he had been caught in Australia, he would have been given a long-term sentence. To me, that would have been a greater punishment.

And yes, I believe John Howard should attend the Prime Minister's XI game on Friday. It's an annual event in honour of the PM at the time, where Howard personally picks the players, and I think it's rude if the guest of honour isn't there.

Maybe those players can give him some advice in picking up his sub-mediocre game.

But seriously, Nguyen Tuong Van is getting what he deserves. Live with it.

- Fridge.

Prime Minister of Australia, John Howard: Cricket Tragic, or Tragic Cricketer???

Most sports-mad, true-blue, dinky-di Aussies know that lil' Johnny loves cricket.

What other politician has ever entered the sacred Channel 9 commentary box?

You'd think that with such a huge interest in a sport that he'd at least be able to bowl on the pitch, or play a simple forward defensive stroke. This dickhead can't do either!



While in Pakistan (another cricket-mad nation), lil' Johnny was shown a cricket pitch, and decided to disgrace our nation with his beyond pathetic display. He bowled a succession of wides, most of which took 3 or more bounces before going to the wicketkeeper.

His batting technique was severely flawed, and I'm surprised that he didn't get bowled.

Thanks, lil' Johnny. It's not enough that you fuck the country over with your Pro-War stance and your mission to screw Australian workers, but now you have tainted the image of Australian cricket.

You're a fucking disgrace!

- Fridge.

Cricket...it's getting better.

Hey y'all,

It's been awhile, but University is a load of wank at the best of times.

In regards to my cricketing aspirations, I have been making steady progress with the ball. However, I still can't bat.

I still keep getting out in the same way, and although I have been trying to rectify this calamity, nothing has worked.

But let's look at the bowling side of it:

Round 3 v SPOC - 5 overs, 1 maiden, 1 for 29.
A wicket 2nd ball, caught at mid-off. I bowled some good balls, but also bowled too many full and short balls. I also lacked variety in my deliveries.

Round 4 v Unley - 1st Innings: 4 overs, 1 maiden, 1 for 6.
Another wicket, caught at mid-off. Variation was better, and there were rarely any loose deliveries.

2nd Innings: 5 overs, 1 maiden, 2 for 14.
1st wicket, caught behind, although the batsman may not have hit it.
2nd wicket, LBW off a full toss arm ball.
My first 4 overs were good, as I had the batsmen playing and missing occasionally. My last over went for 8 runs, and coincided with me bowling around the wicket. In my last over, I bowled too short and too full and was hit for boundaries through square leg and mid-wicket.

Season bowling stats: 14 overs, 3 maidens, 4 for 49.
Average: 12.25
Runs Per Over: 3.5
Strike Rate: 21

Compared with my 9 wickets at an average of 33.89 last year, I believe I have matured and improved as a bowler. But the work is not yet done. I need to regularly bowl well, be able to bowl longer spells, and take more wickets.

But I have to start from somewhere.

- Fridge.

Useless Shit!!!!

I took one of those stupid internet personality quizzes..........here are the results:

I am,
Paranoid: Very High
Schizoid: High
Schizotypal: Moderate
Antisocial: High
Borderline: Very High
Histrionic: Moderate
Narcissistic: High
Avoidant: Low
Dependent: Low
Obsessive-Compulsive: High

Seeya, y'all,

- Fridge.

An international scoop!!

He has to be among one of the world's best-kept secrets. He is a demigod, a Herculean-like figure of his profession. He is one of only two men who has Adelaide's northern suburbs as his playground.

So, who am I talking about?

Let me introduce to you Master V.



Master V (otherwise known as Velvet Jones) is a high-class pimp. Master V and his long-time associate, Slick Willy, are the owners/kingpins of Pimps R Us Enterprises, a locally-based pimping syndicate. For more information, check out http://www.geocities.com/slickvelvet2005/

Fridge: How did you get into pimping?

Master V: Well, it was back in my early high school days, when I met Slick (Willy). We then both discussed a business venture, and things went from there. We now own and run a large metropolitan-based business, with the view of growing nationally.



Fridge: How many people are employed by Pimps R Us Enterprises?

Master V: At this point in time, there are 17 people on the payroll, including three assistant pimps.....and three animals. But we are still recruiting up-and-coming pimps and hoes. Our business offers flexible hours, full health cover including dental, and rewarding work in a safe environment. Resumes needed.

Fridge: Who (or what) are your influences and inspirations?

Master V: Well, that's a hard one. My inspiration would obviously be me. My main influence......would once again be me.

Fridge: What qualities or attributes does one need in order to become a successful pimp or hoe?

Master V: Well, I believe that you are born with a God-given talent. You have to be willing to make sacrifices such as early morning starts (before school) and late nights (after Erotic Tales on SBS).

Fridge: What are the best and worst things about being a pimp?

Master V: Early morning starts, late nights and having so many fine ass hoes wanting a piece of our (Myself and Slick) ass would have to be the worst things. The best things about being a pimp would be summarized in 3 words; Hoes, money, respect.

Fridge: Do you have any advice for up-and-coming pimps or hoes?

Master V: For pimps, don't be afraid to hit a hoe. Pimping comes from within. And make sure you always carry a chapstick.
For the hoes, respect your pimp, and if you're left with less than 13% of your daily takings, seriously consider retirement.



Fridge: Is pimping still relevant in an overtly politically-correct society?

Master V: Geez, that's a tough one. To put it simply, Pimps R Us provide a service. People approach us on the street and they ask us for work! We cater for the unemployed, the disadvantaged, and the downright horny.
As long as there there are men with the name 'Pimps R Us' on their lips, they better not forget to give our hoes tips!

Fridge: Well, Master V, it's been a pleasure to interview you.

Master V: It should be!

And as he walked out the door, he looked over his shoulder and said, 'P.A.E (Pimping Ain't Easy)'.

Diss now, jock later.

- Fridge.

Pre-season blues.............

Hey y'all,

A couple of weeks ago, I started pre-season cricket training. During the first session, one is able to perform poorly without fear of ridicule. It's called 'Dusting off the cobwebs'.

However, in 2 such sessions, the cobwebs remain. Do I give up, or keep going?

I am merely the shadow of a once mediocre bowler..........enough said.

So I volunteered to bat for the first time, as I usually have to be coerced into such an activity.

No such luck there..........as witnessed here.



I can neither bowl nor bat.........I'm having a form crisis!!!!

What does one do when out of sorts, and looking to regain past form?

- Fridge.

Memories of high school days....

Nearly everyone has wonderful, pleasurable experiences from high school.

Not me.

I was looking through my old yearbooks the other day, when I realized that I have not maintained friendships with people from school. Usually school is where you make lifelong friends and determine your direction in life, and also your status in the social food chain. For example, if you were a nerd in school, chances are you’ll remain a nerd in the real world. That is unless you are among the self-loathing types that construct a reinvention of themselves, in order to fit within the confines of mainstream society.

I like to think that I haven’t reinvented myself, but evolved into the person I was destined to become.

In terms of direction in life, and status in the social pecking order, I learnt NOTHING from the school I attended. I don’t mean to degrade organized religion, but religion was forced down my throat. If I didn’t believe in that religion, I was made to feel guilty.

I never had that problem in primary school, which was also religion-based. We were treated as individuals, not only in the classroom, but as people. Needless to say, until High School, I was open minded in regards to religion.

I learnt direction by having none to begin with. I had never finished high school, was unable to work, and quite miserable. That is, until life gave me the kick up the arse I so desperately needed.

I can’t say that I wanted to be a teacher since I was a child, because when I was a child, I wanted to be either a journalist, or stoned. Possibly both. But in the end, I write for fun, and doing it as a career would be a chore.

Teaching came to me out of the blue. I don’t know why, but some members of my family thought I would be good at it, which planted a seed in my mind. So I went back to finish school, and failed.

My only hope was to aim for mature-age entry into university. Luckily, I did well enough on the test to be offered a place.

I hate it when people remind me of my school days. The other day, my sister told me that two people in the same year as me were getting married. I was polite, and acted interested, but I couldn’t really give a fuck. I don’t want to know what so-and-so is doing, and whether whats-her-name is pregnant. I really don’t care.

Those people have been married, had kids, and made lives for themselves. But it’s their life, and I don’t want any part of it. It’s not like they would have any part of mine, had they been given a choice.

As far as I’m concerned, everyone I went to high school with is dead.

These people had no effect on me at all. They didn’t play any part in who I became. I feel nothing for them. Sure, I don’t wish anyone harm, but I don’t wish them happiness either.

Here’s a warning to anyone I went to school with:

If you see me and say hello, I might say hello back, but don’t EVER expect me to be your friend. My friendship is not on offer.

I don’t need any more friends anyway. I have a few close friends, and that’s the way I want to keep it.

- Fridge.